Okay, the story is, Geena is in college, but she wants to sing with her R&B Girl's group, something her traditional father forbids, so they must practice in secret. Her eldest brother is running the business and to make more money, he is engaging in some less-than-legal activities behind his father's back - namely, making counterfiet designer suits. Jay has just arrived in London from his native Somerset and has taken a job with his brother at this other clothing outfit which has just found itself undercut in the knock-off suit department - hence the conflict. The two kids are instantly smitten, but his brother and boss don't like it and her brothers are furious so they must sneak around to be together.

One night, Jay's brother, Dean, drags him out on a late-night job, which involves breaking into the Indian warehouse and slashing all the suits. They get caught, though and Dean is slashed in the arm before they get away. Well, this is it, Jay is determined that he and Geena will be together and he begs her to come away with him. He goes to the hospital to get some money from Dean and Dean tells him his next of kin has been notified of his injury and he's on his way there. "The old man?" Jay says with some alarm. "I'll make sure I'm not here, then." Too late, though, as in walks Ian McShane as their father, Frank. His entrance is priceless. (grin) The double doors push open and in steps a scruffy, curly haired guy in dark sunglasses, black leather jacket and cowboy boots. "Ma Boiz!" he exclaims, arms outstretched in jovial greeting. His accent, by-the-way, is not bad, but James McAvoy trying to do a Somerset accent is hilarious! Jay seems to have a problem with his Dad and they have a little confrontation before Jay storms out and steals a van from the place where he was working.

Geena is being kept under guard by her brothers, so there is a pretty impresive escape involving yards of brightly coloured material flung out the upper story window, but they make it and are on their way to freedom. They go to Somerset and end up at his father's place where Frank is sprawled over the easy chair and Dean is stretched out on the sofa and they're watching the big screen TV and eating something out of cartons. When Jay turns up with his girlfriend, he is surprised that Frank welcomes them warmly. It's funny when Frank takes Geena aside and asks, "Where're you from, then?" "EastHam," she answers. "No, no, no, that's not what I meant ..." but he realizes what an ass he's about to be and suddenly clamps his mouth shut and then grins and offers, "Cuppatea?" LOL! Dean tells him their former employer wants their van back, but luckily they don't know where they live. Jay pays back what is left of the money he took from Dean and says there are suits out in the van they can flog. So, after storing the suits, Dean gives the wad of bills back to Jay and Frank tells Geena to take good care of his boy and the two lovebirds head back to London where Geena has some unfinished business. She shows up for her cousin's wedding where her and her gal-pals don skimpy clothing and perform a modern, yet traditional song and dance to show her Dad what she can do. Meanwhile, her Dad seems to know what the elder son has been up to and he's putting his foot down so far as the business is concerned, but he still won't accept Jay, so the young couple take off for parts unknown.

This is a funny movie. It's terribly unPC and a little stupid, but it is funny as hell. Mac Davis stars as a recently divorced private investigator who goes to work for a female divorce lawyer (Tovah Feldshuh) - trying to get the goods on other hapless joes like himself. It's a rotten job, but he's desperate. At one point, he goes undercover as a homosexual - a performance sure to piss off gays everywhere, but it's still hilarious. Anyway, Ian McShane is Dr. Alfred Sunshine - yeah, I said Sunshine (grin). He seems to be equal parts guru/psychologist/chiropractor and boy, is he a sleaze. Gorgeous as ever, but such a slimey character. He is cheating on his wife and on his taxes too, evidently, and plans to run away with his mistress (Gwen Humble) and a ton of undeclared cash, but our hero isn't about to let that happen. The secondary story is a hoot too, about a crazy crime family (Jack Guilford and Rose Marie). Oh, and I think McShane sports an earring in this one.

Stupidest line: Sunshine's wife actually says "What's it all about, Alfie?" (GROOOOOOOOAN)
Greatest line: Sunshine screeching "Will you stop, you stupid queen!" I rolled with that one. (giggle)

There is desire. There is craving. Then, there is obsession. Olivia Emery [Gwen Taylor] has a new obsession ... and his name is Steven Castle [Ian McShane]. Dashing crooner by night, dangerous lover by day, Steven draws Olivia into his web. Slowly their passion becomes a psychological nightmare full of double-cross and distrust. But which one is going to get it in the end? Sauce for the Goose proves that sometimes, too much of a good thing can be deadly.

Heh heh, this one is devious. McShane is a little over the top as the lounge lizard, Steven Castle, but that's all part of his charm. Oh, to give away the ending or not to give away the ending, that's the question ... They kind of ruin it by showing you part of the ending in the opening previews, but there's more to it than you see in those previews .... so ... what to do ....

Roy (HWTMKL) Thinnes is Johnny ... something or other - playboy gambler in Hawaii. But that's just his cover - he is really a government agent, code name: Diamond Head - hence the title, you see. It is never made clear just what agency he works for, but he was pulled from the Navy, so, what? NIS? CIA? FBI? His boss is known as (ahem) Aunt Mary (insert exasperated eye roll here). Are they trying to be funny? A little tongue-in-cheek stab at The Man From UNCLE and The Avengers? (You may recall on The Avengers, their boss was known as "Mother.")

Anyway, it starts with a plane landing in Hawaii, the passengers disembarking - one of them a particularly handsome Jesuit priest named Father Horton - slicked back hair, wire-framed glasses - adorable! (Yes, this is Ian McShane) At the Customs desk, he is recognized - the Custom's guy is evidently an agent for Aunt Mary. As soon as the good Father walks away, this guy gets on the phone and calls it in - an enemy agent has just arrived - code name: Tree. Now, they know everythig about this Tree - they have a photo and a real name (Sean Donavan); they know he was a British agent when he betrayed his entire network and went into business for himself - they have a whole file on him. So, this agent follows him to a church where one of Tree's men konks him on the head and brings him to Donavan. The guy is still alive and semi-conscious when Donavan wraps a bell rope around his neck and casually shoves him off the balcony. I do believe this would be the only killing he actually does himself.

So, Aunt Mary turns to Diamond Head with the mission of finding out why Tree is here and stopping him. Diamond Head pays a visit to his gal pal (France Nuyen, though darned if I can recall the character's name) who runs a hot spot in town and who also happens to be a former agent who's cover was blown and her whole family was wiped out because of it. DH seems to think Tree will try to take her out eventually, so he's warning her. Then he finds his big Hawaiian friend named Zulu - and the only reason I remember that name is because it is evidently the actor's real name. Not sure how they find Tree's two goons - it may have been Muldoon (the requisite drunken charter boat captain snitch) - but Zulu keeps watch while DH breaks into their hotel room and plants an obvious bug in their phone. He almost gets caught, but he hangs out a window till they pass. They find the bug like DH knew they would and he's hoping they lead him to Tree when they go to tell him about it. Tree knows it's a set-up, though, so that doesn't work.

Meanwhile Father Horton checks into a hotel. When he gets to his room, he takes the glasses off and runs his hands through his slicked back hair, ruffling it all up so the curls fall all over the place as they're meant to (sorry, but I LOVE his long curls!) Then he sits down to don his next disguise. First a little old age makeup which, really, wouldn't it be noticeable close-up and personal? But then, his mark wears big plastic framed tinted glasses, so that would hide the obviousness of the lines around the eyes, I guess. A small grey mustache and a short grey wig are topped off with an Army officer's uniform. He checks himself out in the mirror and he looks just like the photo. Great, cause a couple Navy guys have arrived to pick up Colonel Butler. The real Colonel answers his phone and says to tell the Commander he'll be right down, hangs up, dons his cover, picks up his briefcase and opens his door, walks right into a snoot full of knock-out gas. THUD! He hits the floor. Tree takes his glasses, watch and wallet and declares his disguise pretty darn good, even if he says so himself. And it should be good, since McShane plays the REAL Colonel Butler too - LOL! He tells his men to take the Colonel for a little swim and then heads down to meet the Navy. (BTW, wouldn't it be hard to see through someone else's prescription lenses??)

These guys take him to a top secret laboratory where a couple yabbo's have "accidently" discovered a potent biological/chemical explosive by mixing some neurotoxin squeezed out of poisonous snails with digoxin. Huh? you say? Yeah, me too. Anyway, this stuff must be kept under pressure or it explodes and melts rock! They do a little demonstration and think that should be enough for the Colonel to make a decision (I think he's supposed to decide what to do with the stuff and they think he should destroy it), but the Colonel says he was told there would be TWO demonstrations and he's not authorized to make a decision until he sees em both. They'll be ready to do the next test at noon the following day. Great!

Now, Tree knows his cover was blown as soon as he landed - that agent he killed ID'd him, so he knows he has to act fast. He also knows there is an agent in town called Diamond Head, but he doesn't know anything about him. So, he becomes Basil Philips, upstanding British citizen, and pays a visit to a certain nightclub, confronts the ex-agent woman and offers to leave her alone if she tells him the identity of Diamond Head. She stalls - doesn't know what he's talking about - it's all very civil. Johnny, the gambler shows up and he and Philips exchange a few words and Philips leaves. DH is going to follow this guy now and find out what he's up too, but Tree isn't stupid and he now knows Johnny is Diamond Head and he also knows he'll be following him, so he arranges to have one of his goons nearby to spray a poison gas at him. The woman yells his name just as the gas is released and DH goes over the little bridge and into the water, where he floats there long enough for the guy to think he's dead. Things are cookin' up now, eh?

Next day, a certain body washes ashore (the real Colonel Butler) and DH and company now know Tree's target! Meanwhile, back at the lab, they're preparing the next test, when a fountain pen releases a knock-out gas and everyone drops likes stones. Heh, they even think it is their explosive gas leaking out and panic big time before they pass out. But, of course, Tree has a gas mask. He gets the remaining explosive sample and high-tails it out of there, just moments before agents swarm the place. Well, he knows DH isn't dead - otherwise, they wouldn't be just minutes behind him, so he kidnaps the woman as leverage and gets on his catamaran, heading for open waters. Maybe there is a sub waiting somewhere, I dunno. Aunt Mary can't let him get away with that explosive gas and he wants to order the Navy to destroy that boat, but the woman is on it - DH convinces Aunty to give him a half hour to get her out of there.

Muldoon brings em out on his boat, DH fires a flare gun into Tree's sails and while he is momentarily distracted, the woman smacks him and knocks him down. He's quick, though, and pulls a gun, but he's not quite quick enough - I think she kicks it out of his hands. Then he grabs a spear gun and almost skewers DH, but misses and grabs some sort of big hook thing, like a wooden staff and he's about to clobber someone, when DH yells at him and explains how he's going to shoot him if he moves. Ah, well, the jig is, as they say, up, so Tree drops the pole and surrenders quietly. "I was never one to back a lost cause," he says philosophically. I guess he could conceivably have returned in future episodes if it had gone to series. He did quite a lot of pilot films, didn't he? It's like, producers pondered and decided, "If we want this series to make it, we need a GREAT villain - get Ian McShane!"

Now, this isn't ALL bad - it could maybe have succeeded, but it was kind of hokey. It came before Magnum P.I. and after Hawaii Five-Oh. I think it maybe could have been about as good as the latter (if they toned down the hokiness factor), but that had already been done and it certainly lacks the character chemistry of Magnum. The characters just don't mesh. Tree and his goons interact more smoothly than DH and his gang and frankly, I think the whole Aunt Mary business was stupid enough to blow it out of the water.

Tolliver (Powers Boothe) is a rival inn keeper (read: Pimp) who runs the Bella Union Hotel across the street. Talk about ruthless - he's just mean for mean's sake. His joint is more upscale and he likes to maintain a civilized veneer, but he's a bastard pure and simple. When a friend of his comes down with small pox, he has him dragged out and dumped in the woods rather than treat him! And he thinks nothing of murdering a couple kids in an effort to keep his madam, Joanie (Kim Dickens) in line. If he can be said to have a love interest, it would seem to be Joanie, but I'm not sure he truely cares for her or if he's just looking out for his property.

Seth Bullock (Timothy Olyphant) is an ex Marshall who, along with his pal Sol Starr (John Hawkes), have opened a hardware store in town. He desperately wants to avoid town politics, but can't help being drawn in. Beginning with his friendship with Wild Bill Hickock (Keith Carradine) and on to his attraction for a wealthy widow named Alma Garret (Molly Parker), his hot temper and self righteous morals get the better of him. He ends up acting as Sherrif.

Then there is E.B. Farnum (William Sanderson), a scruffy hotel owner who acts as sort of informer for Swearengen. He's a weasle who becomes mayor and he has some good lines too, especially talking to himself about how badly he is treated. I expect him to turn on Al eventually. And Brad Dourif plays Doc, the town doctor. He may drink a little too much, but he seems to know what he's doing. I like him - he really cares, as evidenced by him haveing a leg brace made for Al's gimp cleaning woman, Jewel (Geri Jewell).

So, once again, the best thing about this stinker is Ian McShane. He is (ex) Sir Oliver Maxwell who had his knighthood revoked for being such a baddie - fraud, arms and drug dealing, et cetera. Anyway, he is actually a rarity among TV villains - intelligent! He is immediately suspicious of the group who becomes too friendly too quickly. And he doesn't hang about waiting for the good guys to stop him either. Which begs the question - how did they stop him? By the time they busted in on him, he'd already transmitted the codes, so what gives? The final fight scene is laughable - very poorly edited. It is so obvious when it's the stuntman and when it's McShane - they even show the stuntman's face! (The stuntman is trimmer and has poofier hair). His demise in this one is messy. SPLAT - yeah, very messy. That stuntman sure earned his pay.

Okay, the story is that Maxwell has gathered together a Russian biological weapons expert and an IRA bomb expert and is devising a deadly weapon of mass destruction which he plans to sell to an Arabian prince for 5 billion dollars. Target - The World Trade Center in New York. But why limit the deaths to Americans? Why not hit London and Paris too? Not sure why Maxwell is feeling so destructive, but there you have it. So, the DREAM Team (Dangerous Reconnaissance Emergency Action Mission) is posing as a model company doing a photo shoot in Puerto Rico where Maxwell owns an island. (And no, no sharks with freakin' lasers on their heads). Like I said, it's bad, but it's so bad, it's funny and it's worth watching just for Ian's performance alone, which is why I gave it two and a half stars. The beautific smile above is because he's just killed someone with his funky security system/video game. Don't even ask - you have to see it to believe it. And he wears this suit at the end - it's GORGEOUS! I guess it is actually the shirt - it is such a vibrant blue and it really sets off his eyes. (see below)

Well, we know the story, right? Twins seperated at birth - Louis is King of France and Philip is training to be a Musketeer. Well, it is Fouquet who comes up with the plan of setting Philip up as King to be assasinated so Louis can miraculously return - proof of his divinity. Yeah, well, it doesn't work that way and Philip ends up in the Bastille, face hidden behind an iron mask and it is up to his friends, the Musketeers, to rescue him. Alas, Fouquet's demise is both somewhat gruesome and well deserved. (He's the baddie, what'd you expect?)

So, that's why I suspect it was a pilot film - otherwise the gimmick is just too much. Course, it was also not very feasible back then with clunky big vcr's and bigger computers. Anyway, Pierre suggests she go see his insurance company pal who always has a job lined up and ask for an easy job, just to see how she likes it and Flannagan will help her all the way. Her first job? Find a stolen race horse worth 21 million and steal it back. Easy right? Well, it becomes complicated, of course. Also of course, by the end, Flannagan and Freddy are fast becoming an 'item' - if it had made it to series, there would have been romance mixed with thievery each and every week!

Okay, is there anyone who doesn't know about the true story? During WWII, there was a POW camp located in the heart of Germany where the Germans put all their trouble making prisoners. It was supposed to be escape proof. But the prisoners - led by Squadron Commander Roger Bushell - dug a tunnel and 72 of them escaped. Hitler was enraged and wanted them all executed, but his generals convinced him that killing only - ONLY - 50 of them would make a good enough example. Only three made it to freedom - all the others were recaptured and fifty of them - including Bushell - were taken out into the woods in small groups and summarily shot by the Gestapo.

Okay, the story: Ian McShane is Bert, The Brain. No one ever actually mentions his name in the film and he's listed only as The Brain in the end credits, but the press kit says his name is Bert, so Bert it is. The film starts with Bert in handcuffs, but he promptly escapes and we flashback to how it all began. We quickly skim through how he was in the army briefly and how he met some of his political friends and how he served ... four years, I think, in prison for running the printing press for this right-wing political organization and now he helps train future revolutionaries who will some day overthrow the leftist governments of the world which brings us to the problem to hand - this organization is running out of money - they need new fund raising ideas.

Well, Nice - the French Riviera - hot spot for the world's wealthy, right? Bert works as a photographer - weddings, barmitzva's, that sort of thing - and one of his clients gives him an idea when he pays him in cash and tells him how he should always get paid in cash and keep it in a safety deposit box so the nosy government won't know how much money he has ... Hmmm, the wheels turn. He goes to the big bank in town and rents a safety desposit box. They have a state of the art alarm system - no way to break in. Except - you knew there'd be an except, right? The alarm is only upstairs. Once you're down in the vaults, there is no security what-so-ever. I mean, no way down there other than through the door, right? Wrong! Bert checks it all out and discovers there's a way in through the sewers. All those safety deposit boxes stuffed with undeclared treasure and all they have to do is tunnel through the sewers. Perfect!

Bert getting ready to tunnel through the sewers to the bank vault

Well, he and his political friends decide they don't quite have all the criminal know-how to pull this off alone, so they bring in a thug named Rocco (Stephen Greif looking hot in the only thing other than Blake's 7 I've ever seen him in) and his men to chip in and help. This would actually prove to be a bad move. It takes a couple months of digging, tunneling and drilling, but they get in and spend a weekend down in the vault. They only manage to break into maybe a third of the boxes during their time down there, but that's okay - it's plenty - Bert is not greedy - and he insists they take ONLY cash and gold bars - any identifiable jewelry is left behind. They also leave behind some tools and that is how the police ID the criminal crowd - Rocco and his boys are rounded up rather quickly, but only a fraction of the estimated 15 million dollars stolen is recovered.

Bert is eventually traced through the gold bars (though I'm not altogether sure just how) and they never do get his share of the loot back. But, like I said, he escapes, which makes you go, "YEAH!" except, when you stop to think about it, he's not really a nice guy, is he? He's a fascist bastard! McShane is adorable and charming, though, so you can't help but cheer him on.

Hayley Mills is Brydie White - a young, sort of slow-witted woman - a result of a head injury as a little girl. She is coming of age now, though, and for some reason, the whole village seems to think she is dangerous. I mean, come on - she and the other neighborhood kids have buried their dead pets in the church yard - how awful (rolling eyes). Anyway, the grounds keeper seems to hate her and I never could figure out why. He tries to force her out of the cemetary where she is placing flowers on a grave, but a young gypsy boy named Roibin (Ian McShane) has been following her - fascinated by the free-spirited girl, he comes to her rescue. Afterwards, they talk and he is enchanted by her beauty and innocence. But it is tea time and she must dash.

Mr. Dacres really hates Brydie - he's angry that she is alive and (gasp) happy while his son is dead. You see, years ago - when the kids were, like 9 or 10, Julian Dacres took his father's shotgun and went to play with Brydie in the field. Somehow the gun went off - killing little Julian and wounding Brydie in the head. She doesn't remember any of this, though, so dear old Mr. Dacres decides to remedy that. He confronts the girl one night with the gun and reminds her how she killed Julian. She remembers Julian and can't believe she could have hurt him - she freaks out and takes off screaming. Well, suddenly Mr Dacres seems to realize what a bastard he has been and is concerned for her, but when he tries to go after her, he falls and hits his head. He's okay, though. But Brydie is screaming into the night and the whole village is roused.

Roibin rescues Brydie from the river after she has hysterically fallen in and almost drowns

The girl runs into the river and almost drowns, but Roibin - out poaching rabbits - hears her screams too, and he dives in after her - rescues her from the water. A couple of the village kids find them and they tell Roibin how the whole village is after Brydie - something happened and Mr. Dacres got hurt. Roibin thinks the law is after the girl and he can't let them get her, so he swears the kids to secrecy and takes Brydie back to the gypsy camp.

Well, the Gypsies are not happy either - why did he bring the girl there? She's a Georgio (evidently their word for the English) and the law will be after them. But Roibin doesn't want to hear it - she is half drowned and freezing cold and she's in trouble. He brings her into his grandmother's wagon and she reprimands him for always going after the women, but she tells him to go get some soup - her way of telling him she is going to take care of the girl. At this point, Roibin tells his grandmother that he has been searching for this girl all his life - all the other women were just him searching for Brydie - she's the one.

Meanwhile, back in the village, all the gossipy, back-biting old bitties are gathered in Mrs. White's house supposedly comforting her for the loss of her girl. It's all too much for her, though, and she collapses - possibly from a heart attack. She dies in hospital.

When Brydie recovers, Roibin is right there. He explains how he fished her out of the river and how she has been sick for several days and nights and he has been right by her side all the time - holding her close when she had bad dreams and cried out. He sits on the bed with her as she is telling him she wants to go home. He tells her she should wait till she is stronger first. She gets a sort of pained expression and he gets concerned. "Are you in pain?" he asks. "My feet," she replies. "You're sitting on them." (LOL! I thought that was cute.)

So, while her mother is being buried, Brydie is in a field with Roibin and he is telling her how he sleeps out there sometimes, under the stars and how quiet it is before the birds wake up. He tells her how when he was a boy, his mother cried all the time because she was in love with a Georgio. How, sometimes, you can just see someone and know they're the one. That's the way he feels for her. She says no one has ever spoken to her this way and she goes on to tell him about Julian - something she has never spoken about with anyone before - and then she cries. He tells her it's okay now - she has spoken of it now, and it can't hurt her anymore. He tells her he loves her, they kiss and he wants her to come away with him - live the life of a Gypsy. For her, he'd even try to be a house-dweller. She wants to go home, but he insists they won't let her return to him if she does. And she won't be able to follow because she won't know the Gypsy signs. "So show me," she says and he does - explains a bunch of signs that indicate what direction they're going.

At this point, the village children find them and tell her that her mother has died. She is overwrought and Roibin comforts her. He gives her a braided ring of hair - some of hers he cut while she was sleeping and some of his twined together. It's so they can be together even when they're apart. And then he kisses her - the wedding kiss of the Romanies. She tells him she will return, but she needs to go see her mother's grave. He doesn't think they will let her return, but he promises to wait there for her.

She goes back and the vicar finds her wailing at the grave and takes her in, calms her down, but she is feverish. She insists, though, that she must return to Roibin - he's waiting for her. The vicar, who really is a nice guy, tells her he'll get a message to Roibin and ask him to come to the vicaridge in the morning. Well, he phones up the grounds keeper and asks him to deliver the message. Bastard that this guy is, though, he goes to the Gypsy camp and tells them all they better move off by morning or they'll all get done for kidnapping. Roibin's family is not amused - they're packing up and leaving and he's coming with them. He refuses, though - he's not going. He promised to wait and he's waiting and that's that. Well, the rest of them have other plans. They try intimidating Roibin, but he's not backing down. He sees what's about to go down, though, so he tries to bolt, but he doesn't make it. My copy of the film is very dark, so it's hard to tell if he is fighting two or three guys, but he gets smacked around a bit, manages to take out one or two of them, but that's not good enough. The biggest Gypsy in the camp comes back for more (played by Alan Lake who would try to kill Ian in Con Man a few years later). Anyway, poor Roibin takes at least 4 solid blows from this bruiser and he's down for the count.

Next morning, Brydie still wants to go find Roibin. He didn't show up, the Vicar reminds her. But she loves him - she wants the Vicar to marry them. And Roibin gave her a ring of their hair so they will always be together. The Vicar is a romantic and he understands what this means. She has no home in the village anymore and she and Roibin really do seem to love eachother, so by golly, he's going to help her find him. They take off and run to the Gypsy camp, but they're long gone. She finds the signs and follows. The Vicar must run back for his bicycle in order to keep up with her.

Brydie and her dog (named Dog) follow the trail, but it sort of dead-ends because Dog grabbed the last sign before she saw it. Brydie collapses against a tree in despair. Dog hears another dog, though and takes off across a field behind the tree. She looks and sees the Gypsy wagons stopped in that field and she takes off yelling Roibin's name. When the Vicar catches up, he sees her running into Roibin's arms and he smiles. "That's the way it should be." And then he hops back on his bike and heads home.

It's a (live action) cartoon. Any one of the crazy stunts Rod screws up would kill him - any one of the fights with Frank would kill him - but it's cartoony and no one REALLY gets hurt. Much. Frank really is a bastard, though, and McShane does that evil glint in the eye oh-so-very well. He seems rather boyish, too, especially in the last climactic fight scene, which is surprisingly well done. I've watched it several times - in slow motion, freeze frame, etc - and I just can NOT tell when it is the stunt men. Fantastic editing! The photo to the left is during that final fight. Frank has pulled off his sweat band and shaken his hair out like some prima donna and he has just tossed a throwing star. LOL! I rolled with that bit - shaking his curls and then the throwing star - I ask you, who carries a throwing star in his jacket pocket?

Now, Jesus seems to know everything that will happen and he knows Judas is going to betray him, so he must know why Judas does it, right? And he seems to think everything must happen like this, for God, his Father, has decreed it be thus, so why does he act ticked off when it happens? Judas thinks he is doing good and kisses Jesus before they take him away and Jesus growls, "You betray me with a kiss?" Like, what kind of a creep are you, anyway? Course, Judas is distraught when he tries to find Jesus afterwards - he wants to be there when they question him, but Ian Holm snidely tells him Jesus is on trial for blasphemy and then further demeans Judas by handing him a purse of coins as payment. What gives? Why is this guy such an SOB all of a sudden? He had defended Jesus at first, but as soon as the majority of the others decided Jesus was dangerous, he fervently embraced the idea that he must die. As for Judas, he never even sees just what they do to Jesus, for he hangs himself immediately. It's kind of unclear who has hanged himself in the movie - why are all these old movies so dark? We see someone swinging from a distance and then the camera zooms onto the coins scattered on the ground beneath him. If we didn't already know the story, we wouldn't necessarily make the connection.

Pretty powerful performances by all concerned in this. As well as McShane, I was also impressed by Michael York as John the Baptist and, of course, Robert Powell as Jesus who had the most riveting pale eyes. One thing really, REALLY irked me, though, while watching and that was the costumes of the Roman soldiers. They ALL wore pants - every last one of them. Now, I've made a life-long study of Rome and let me tell you, Roman soldiers never-EVER wore pants. They wore something akin to SHORT pants while in BRITAIN where they were freezing their butts off, but in Judea?? No way! And, most of the soldiers in this wore metal armour. Your average Roman soldier wore LEATHER armour. Oddly enough, the only one I saw with leather armour was Ernest Borgnine who was supposed to be a Centurian who WOULD have worn metal armour - it's crazy! THEN, on top of all that, at least one Roman soldier had a BEARD! They never-EVER had beards. They were required to keep clean-shaven and keep their hair short, so an enemy wouldn't have anything to grab onto when in hand-to-hand combat. Yeah, okay, so it's nit-picky, but the producers evidently prided themselves on the historical accuracy of it all and yet they got this soooo wrong.

Two different Episodes:
* Skin Deep (1981) as David Norman [*****]
McShane is a film producer in this one. His ex-wife (or maybe ex-girlfriend? - He made her a star anyway) has apparently killed herself with a shot gun - the same way the character she was signed to play does it in the movie script she was rehearsing. It becomes evident that it was not suicide afterall ... Does David Norman know more than he's saying? Yeah, he's a baddie.

Meanwhile, Sondra (Scarlett Johansson) is a college journalism major visiting friends in London when she goes to see a sort of vaudeville show. She is chosen from the audience to be part of a magician's act. Sid (Woody Allen) puts her into a box to make her disappear, but while she's in there, Joe appears out of nowhere! He says he was concentrating all his energy for a journalist and hopes she's a journalist and tells her who he is and that he has a big scoop about the Tarot Killer etc before he vanishes again. Back home, she googles the Tarot Killer and Joe Strombel and it all adds up, so she returns to the stage and demands to see the box again. Sid humors her for a while, but then he really has to insist that she leave so he can get on with his business. But Joe appears again and they both see him!

He has a little more time to explain now and he tells her to write it down. Peter Lyman (Hugh Jackman) is the Tarot Killer and he killed his secretary when she figured it out. But Peter is the son of Lord Lyman and you don't just accuse someone like that without proof. He tells her "You get the story first, but first, you get the story right." Words to live by, so to speak. At this point Death comes to take Joe back - kind of an impressive scene, really, but he'll pop back now and then to help. And thus, Sid is roped into helping because he saw the ghost too, didn't he?

As she investigates, Sondra falls in love with Lyman and decides, he can't really be the Tarot Killer - especially when the Police finally catch the REAL killer. But, okay, so he isn't the Tarot Killer, but maybe he used the Tarot Killer's MO in order to get away with a murder of his own. Sondra could be in a whole lot of danger and Joe doesn't think he can come back anymore. "You can only cheat Death for so long and I've used every trick I know." It's up to Sid to rescue the girl. Yeah, that might not work out so well.

Well, first the story, then the nit picky problems I had with it - Will Stanton is an American boy in Britain. His father is a physicist who got a teaching job at an English university and his huge family has moved across the pond. It is the Christmas holidays and Will's 14th birthday brings big changes to his life. Puberty? Well, yeah, but that's the least of his worries. You see, the moment he turned 14, he gained the ability to sense the signs and, unfortunately for our young hero, the Dark also gained the abilty to sense him. Will is the last of the Old Ones to be born into the world - he's the Seeker of the Signs - the only one who can find and gather the six signs needed to unleash the full power of the Light once more - the only chance they have to defeat the Dark and save mankind again.

Okay, The Old Ones are servants of the Light and the Dark Rider (played with delicious menace by Christopher Eccleston) is the servant of the Dark. Old Ones is kind of a misnomer because they are neither old nor young - they live outside time. I don't guess they're actually immortal, though, as it seems they CAN die. Anyway, a thousand years ago, the Dark was defeated, but not destroyed. I guess it went into hibernation? I don't know, but the power of the Light was stored away in six artifacts called signs and scattered throughout time. Now, the Dark is Rising - gaining in strength - and the Old Ones must gather the signs in order to stand any chance of defeating him/it again. And poor bewildered Will only has 5 days to get this done because that's when the Dark's power will reach it's peak. Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas.

Possible spoilers to follow: Will is the seventh son of a seventh son - WHEW! Like I said, big family. He doesn't believe this at first because his older by several minutes twin brother was kidnapped fourteen years ago and he never knew he had a twin - he thinks he is a sixth son. The reason someone (okay, the Dark Rider) had the chance to snatch the kid was because Will's father was distracted by a study he was obsessively involved in - a study of the physics of light and dark. Thus, he knew about all this - about the struggle, so why is he so totally clueless when things start happening? And the aforementioned other son - Thomas - what's up with him? Will rescues him and reunites the kid with his family, but seriously, this kid has been kept prisoner in a snowglobe for 14 years, would he have any verbal or social skills what-so-ever? And the Old One named George is killed, but after the Dark is defeated once more, he's suddenly alive again. Are the Old Ones immortal? And if so, why is Will's ancestor - the Old One who actually made the signs - still dead? Merriman mentions that Will's ancestor made his choice, maybe hinting that the elder Thomas Stanton deliberately gave up his immortality in order to protect the knowledge of the signs? Maybe, maybe not. Little things like that irritate me.

Overall, though, I enjoyed the film. There are some pretty cool effects and the scene where Will shows up at the manor late at night and wants to talk of his guy problems with Lyon is priceless. Merriman Lyon is completely clueless. He doesn't know anything about kids - presumably never having been one himself (or maybe it's just been so long he doesn't remember as I think he is actually the FIRST Old One). And when the Dark Rider pops into Will's house as the village doctor is almost as amusing as when he shows up at church with his old mum. Ha! I do kind of hope they film the rest of the book series - maybe explain a few things.

McShane is Anton Zoref - a hapless nuclear technician on Moonbase Alpha. Wait, is there anyone who doesn't know the series? Okay, an explosion has ripped the moon out of Earth's orbit and so it, along with Moonbase Alpha sitting prettily on it's surface, is hurtling through space encountering strange new lands and strange alien beings. And it's called Space 1999 because it all happens in September of 1999. Hey, it was 25 years in the future when the show was made.

Right, back to the episode: So, Anton is rudely awakened at 4:30 in the morning - or maybe it's evening; no sunrise or sunset now that they're in deep space. Anyway, he reports for work at the nuclear reactor room and is going about his tedious tasks when a strange blue ball of light invades his personal space. He tries to call for help, but everyone else on Moonbase is frozen in time, so all Anton can do is stand with his back against the wall and hope for the best. The blue ball of energy evidently invades his head because Anton grabs his head in agony and then collapses to the floor unconscious, at which point everyone else on base wakes up again.

They check him out back in sick bay, but all they find is a malfunctioning monitor, so the doc (Barbara Bain as Helena) sends him home to rest, but rest doesn't come easily. He's cold, for one. He turns the heat up full blast in his quarters, which prompts a small argument with his wife Eva. Then his head starts to hurt again and the lamp suddenly burns out. He's antsy all cooped up, so he goes for a walk and ends up back at the reactor room. He goes in and talks things over with his pal Mark who tells him everything seems to be functioning correctly. While finishing up some paperwork, Anton's headache returns and then he gets cold again - really cold. He's freezing and Mark, concerned, gets him a nice hot cup of something or other (coffee or tea?). Before he can drink it, though, it freezes right there in the cup in his hands. What's the deal? He feels woozy and starts to faint again, but Mark catches him. Bad move for poor Mark, who is instantly frozen to death as soon as he touches his friend. Anton doesn't know what is going on and he flees in panic, back to his quarters.

Which is where Eva finds him brooding. He warns her not to touch him and tells her Mark is dead and he's just not feeling well - he's gonna go back to the medical centre. As he approaches the med center doors, though, his head starts acting up again and he staggers to the wall. A med tech is just leaving and asks him of he's alright and when he doesn't answer, she makes a wide berth around him and glances over her shoulder at him like she's afraid. Now, maybe I'm old fashioned, but when a doctor, nurse or medical technician - at a medical clinic - sees someone in obvious distress, shouldn't he/she stop to help said person? What made her think he was dangerous? I mean, he is, but she has no way of knowing that yet. So, he follows her, corners her in a deadend corridor and touches her. That's two down.

Eva, worried about her hubby, goes to the med center and asks to see Anton - isn't he here? He was distraught after Mark died and said he was coming to the med lab. Well, that leads to the connection finally being made - Anton must be rsponsible for the two deaths. Next, he makes his way to the solarium, where, it seems, scantily clad Alphans go to lounge under the sun lamps. He contemplates touching the half naked woman lying there, but more tempting fare exists in the heat lamps. He lies down and starts soaking up the rays, which kind of makes him glow a bit. It also starts to drain power from the room, making the other lamps burn out, which alerts the two lounging woman that something is amiss. Evidently, a glowing man is reason for concern - or maybe it's just that he's fully clothed, but they sense something is up and call security for help. Said security arrives just in time, as Anton has set his sights on the gals now, but Commander Koenig (Martin Landau) orders the power to the room be cut. Anton collapses unconscious, which makes no sense to me - he has just sucked up all the energy from dozens of heat lamps - there can't be much more power left in the room to begin with, so what difference would shutting it off make for him now?

Okay, SPOILER WARNING because I'm gonna reveal the ending ...

But that's what happens. He's still alive, but what to do? They can't move him without touching him. Koenig takes a chance and touches him, which wouldn't happen - what sort of underling lets the COMMANDER take a risk like that? (He kind of smacks him in the face - wonder if they'd had a tiff? Or maybe it was take 52 and Landau was just fed up, I dunno, but it amused me slightly). Anyway, he's not sucking up energy now, so they bring him back to the medical centre where they strap him down and lock him in a ... what? Some sort of observation room with heavy security locks. It's hilarious, though - they strap a little reading light to him as an "early warning system" - when the light goes out, it means he's sucking energy again. But no one is watching anyway, so why bother? (Notice the Visible Man and Visible Woman models on Helena's desk? They came out around 1960 or so.) The light does go out and Anton breaks free of the steel restraints and proceeds to knock the door down. He never moves fast, so it's easy for Helena to run circles around him and call for the security guard outside. Good place for him, right? The doors won't open on command because Anton has drained all the power from the room now, so the guard has to shoot his way in. He should be wearing a red shirt, because this guard walks right into Anton, gets flash frozen and drops like a stone. Now that the door is open, Anton strolls out without a backwards glance.

Obviously Anton - or the energy being living inside him - needs heat, so he's probably heading for the reactor room again, right? But if he gets there and absorbs all that power, he'll be unstoppable and nothing will be able to keep him away from the other reactors. If he shuts them all down, they're dead. So Koenig warns everyone on Alpha to be on the lookout for Anton Zoref - don't touch him and shoot to kill. Then he does something that makes no sense to me what-so-ever - he orders all power to Alpha base cut. For a space station in the future, they have pretty crappy medical equipment on Alpha. Without power, patients start dropping like flies. Don't they have manual respirator bags? Anyway, why did he cut power anyway???? All this does is ensure that Anton will head for the reactor and isn't that what Koenig wanted to avoid??

Meanwhile, Eva wants to find Anton and bring him back alive. It's so funny to me that she finds him in a hallway next to a decorative shelf full of moon rocks - LOL! Anyway, the energy beast may have control of him, but Anton is still in there and he resists killing his wife. "Stay away!" he tells her. "He'll kill you!" (And I do believe he says HE will kill you). She won't listen, though, and I guess she thinks he's coming to get help when he starts lumbering towards her. Luckily, Carter (Nick Tate - the main reason I used to watch the show, as I recall) jumps in and grabs her away just in time. Like I said, Anton doesn't move very fast so it's easy to evade him.

So, now that this little tasty tidbit is out of his reach, he heads for the reactor again, but by the time he gets there, he's too weak to open the doors. (Power has been cut station-wide, so no automatic door opener). Koenig and company find him whimpering on his knees, but he senses a new source of heat and turns towards them. So they shoot him with a laser, rendering him a veritable crispy critter. (YEOWWIE!) Okay, I guess that was the plan? Shut off all power so he would HAVE to go to the reactor and then shoot him before he could get in? If so, it didn't quite work out that way. The energy from the laser empowers him. I guess any part of Anton that had remained was fried by the laser - at least we can hope. His eyes now aglow, what was once Anton rises and opens the reactor room doors. Nothing for Koenig and company to do now but run. Anton beast opens the reactor door and walks into the core of the reactor. There is a big explosion, which also makes no sense to me as wouldn't the Anton beast absorb all the energy??? The reactor whould have just died like every other piece of equipment he has drained.

Well, he - it doesn't go after the other reactors - one was enough and it flits off back out to deep space. What was it's purpose? Why did it need so much energy? We may have just witnessed the birth of a new star. Yeah, whatever - none of it is any comfort for Eva Zoref. After all, she just lost her ever-lovin' hubby, didn't she? ARGH!

You can start reading again here cuz I revealed the ending above ...

It's a riveting episode - can't help wanting to know whatever will become of poor Anton. Not much model work in this episode, but what there is was good. The late great Derek Meddings did the model work on UFO but I don't see his name listed in the credits for this - don't see ANYone listed as modelist, so dunno if he had anything to do with this show or not. Anyway, watching the little Moonbase model explode was fun. And, of course, McShane is once again adorable as always - at least when he isn't tugging at his face in confused agony - LOL! There are two playful moments between Anton and his wife that I found cute: At the opening when his alarm goes off, Eva has to nudge him awake and then he rolls over and gets all smoochy, but she sternly points to the clock that reads 4:30 and he has to get up. When he is sent home to rest, Eva is coming out of the shower and he surprises her and pulls her down onto the sofa - all smoochy. Actually, she snubs him now too - says he is supposed to be resting. What is WRONG with her?

Well, Tom is instantly smitten with young Janet (said Vicar's daughter). After a night of drunken mayhem in Mickey's bedroom, Tom dons Mickey's gold-tinted sunglasses, grabs a bottle of wine for a little hair-of-the-dog and goes for a walk along the moors. Okay, there is no moor - just rolling green Scottish hills, but stopping at a stream, he spies Janet who is supposed to be returning the check Mickey gave her as payment for the puppy. (She didn't want to give it up, so asked for 50 pounds, thinking no one would pay that much for a puppy). In an irritatingly choppy sequence of still images (the only such sequence in the film - not sure what the reasoning was there), it is evident that he has his way with her. On the way back to Carter Hall, they talk about Mickey and how wealthy she is ("She can afford to live in her dreams and she takes us into them for company.") At the gate, Tom tells Janet she must go no further - protecting her from the jealous rage he knows Mickey would feel? Mickey already knows, though - her spy Elroy (Richard Wattis) has already reported the affair. Mickey confronts him in the garden, tells him she loves him, but she isn't as convincing as he is when he tells her he loves her. Already he is questioning the relationship.

Back at the castle (mansion at least), the others have convinced one of the gals to perform some psychic readings. They blindfold her and give her objects to hold - she tells them the impressions she gets. One guy places his ring on the table, but when she reaches for it, she grabs Mickey's sunglasses that Tom had set down. They freak her out. She screams and rips her blindfold off, demands to know who's they are. Tom wants to know what she saw, but she dismisses it and runs away in tears. Tom doesn't know just what to make of this. The following Sunday, Tom goes to church, listens to the vicar's sermon and waits for Janet outside afterwards. He spends the day with her and the little girl who is staying with the Vicar while her mom is in hospital. They have a picnic and take a long walk along the hills - a quiet normal day compared to the wild craziness that is life with Mickey.

His absence has been noted back at the Hall and Tom endures some evil-minded ribbing from Oliver (David Whitman) who is obviously jealous of Tom's position in Mickey's bed. Oliver goes too far, though, and Tom throws a drink in his face, whereupon Oliver backhands Tom, causing a bloody nose, which enrages Mickey. She warns Oliver not to make trouble again or he's out and then she storms away. Oliver pretends to be apologetic, but Tom ignores him, grabs a bottle and wanders away himself. But Elroy, Mickey's part-time spy and full-time personal secretary of long standing, calls Tom into his office for a chat. He shows Tom some files about young men who have been found dead in the wreckage of one of Mickey's cars - seems to happen every 7 years or so (the last one 7 years ago) - he even has photos. This obviously upsets Tom, as it was meant to. He thinks Mickey put Elroy up to it, but I don't think so.

That evening, Tom announces his desire to leave. Mickey won't let him go, though, and his time spent with Janet is tormenting him until he goes back and tells Mickey he's going away for a while - to think. They spend one last happy evening together at a nightclub before Mickey tells him he can have one week to himself and then she's going to hunt him down and kill him. Meanwhile, Janet has found out she is pregnant. She tries to find Tom, but Mickey refuses to tell her where he is, so she decides to have an abortion. Due to an anonymous postcard, Tom finds her outside the abortion clinic in London before she can do anything and they spend a blissful week in his "morbid little caravan" before he spots Elroy spying on them and realizes the week is up and they need to run for it. Too late, though. Tom is jumped, roughed up and dragged back to Mickey for the final confrontation. McShane can broadcast a wide range of emotion with his eyes (and those great eyebrows), so it's no surprise how well he conveys fear, incredulity and defiance all at once, but Ava Gardner does a smashing job of it too. The way she flares her nostils and narrows her eyes - telling him how she's going to put him down like a rabid dog one moment and the next asking him to say something nice to her because "she's feeling rather miserable." That whole scene in her office is precious!

On the set: This is just after Tom has been drugged, but before it has taken affect. L-R: Director Roddy McDowell, Ian McShane, Ava Gardner and Richard Wattis.

She drugs him - forces him to drink what I gather is wine laced with LSD. Then the games begin. Mickey's new boy toy, Oliver, is running things. They're going to play "Murder." Usually a child's game, they're going to play it for real. Mickey will be the detective and Oliver the murderer, but who is to be the victim? It's surprising to Tom how ready and willing the other young'uns are to join in the hunt. They were his friends, after all. The subtle look he gives when a sweet girl points him out as the victim is spot on. When the drug starts to take affect, Tom goes from fear to despair to defiance and then passes into oblivion at which point Mickey tells him to go get in the white car and drive as fast as he can. She is going to release her wild beasts and if they catch him, they'll tear him to pieces. So, he runs. Luckily, Janet knew where they were taking him and she shows up in time to jump in the car with him. He's driving like a maniac and almost kills them both (Now we know how those other guys died, right?), but Janet manages to get the car stopped. Back at the caravan (trailer for us Yanks), she had promised to hang on to him ("I love you, I want you and I need you but you must hold on to me"), but she's finding it difficult in his current state. Tom takes off across the field and into the woods, blindly running in terror. At one point, he imagines he's a bear caught in a trap and Janet finds him growling and twisting among the brambles. She gets him loose only for him to take off again. Next she finds him writhing in the mud - imagining his arms are a giant snake strangling himself. She is really struggling here! Again he takes off and runs to the river's edge where he kneels down for a drink, only for the water to turn to flame. She finds him now thrashing in the water imagining he is being consumed by fire. She gets him to shore where he finally collapses into her arms and this is how the others find them.

The rage in Mickey's eyes when she finds Janet holding him is almost palpable. She wants him dead. She wants them both dead. But Oliver didn't sign on for actual murder - Tom was supposed to kill himself. It didn't work, so he calls the others off, earning himself a sharp backhand from Mickey. The only one who seems rather pleased by this outcome is Elroy. When the others leave, Tom - still pretty out of it - snakes his hand over to take Janet's hand in his. She is the only reason he is still alive - because she held on to him as she promised.

And so Mickey is left with Oliver as her number one. She's doesn't seem overjoyed by that - afterall, Oliver is not quite as young and not quite as beautiful as Tom. And what about Oliver? Shouldn't he feel apprehensive about all this? After all, what he almost did to Tom could so very easily be done to him when Mickey tires of him. Is he just stupid? Or does he really think he's enough to keep her entertained forever?

McShane is pretty intense in this - very convincing as the grieving father. (The photo to the left is him at his son's funeral). And he does a very credible American accent too. I read in some interview or other that the whole situation was a bit surreal for him as when he showed up on set and saw all these MU (Marshall University) banners up all over the place, it kind of flashed him back to the Manchester United (MU) crash of 1958 that killed 23 players, coaches and journalists. His father was still working for the football club then and he knew all the players - it hit Manchester as hard as this crash rocked Huntington. Maybe those memories made it easier for him to get into character? Yes, it is a very moving film, but kind of hard to take. Definitely have tissues handy while watching it.

It's an old story we've all heard before - aging athlete drowns his sorrows in alcohol, but gets the chance to redeem himself for one last big game ...

[I'm gonna use the terms football and soccer interchangably here, kay?]

From Wikipedia : Strikers, also known as forwards and attackers, and formerly inside forwards, are the players on a team in football in the row nearest to the opposing team's goal, who are therefore principally responsible for scoring goals. From The Soccerhelp Dictionary : STRIKER - A scoring forward, usually a center forward (as distinguished from a "wing" forward, whose job might be to cross the ball to a striker) who is very skilled at scoring. There could be one or two of these. The term implies a player who is great at shooting & "finishing". This player will sometimes stay "pushed up" when the rest of the team is back on defense. Many great strikers are poor